Aviation Humor!

[22_Ponte]

S!

Essas são para o Costa.


*British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
*
*Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced airline
going today without filing a flight plan?'
*

*----------- --------- ---
*

*ATC: "Al Italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for
workers along taxiway."
*
*Al Italia 345: " Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are
working"
*

*----------- --------- ---
*

*Nova 851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000,
requesting runway 15."
*
*Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot
what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks.
*
*Expect runway 06."
*

*----------- --------- ---
*

*Lost student pilot: " Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead,
please identify yourself."
*
*----------- --------- ---
*

*Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
*
*Pilot: Yes.
*
*Tower: Yes what?
*
*Pilot: Yes, SIR!
*

*----------- --------- -------
*

*Frankfurt Control: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You
have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.'
*
*Pilot: 'Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred
and thirty knots fer ya.'
*
*Control: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now
11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110
*
*knots.'
*
*Pilot: 'AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots'
*
*Control: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1
mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'
*
*Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this
here C-130 is?'
*
*Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'
*
*----------- --------- ------
*

*ATC: 'Cessna 123, What are your intentions?
*

*Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.'
*

*ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years.'
*

*----------- --------- ------
*

*Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
*

*Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
*

*Controller: Oh, Oh, Shit! You have traffic!
*

*----------- --------- -
*

*O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250
knots.
*

*USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
*

*O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
*

*USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
*

*----------- --------- --
*

*ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.
*

*Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
*

*ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter 1019
*

*----------- --------- ----
*

*Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'
*

*Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center '
*

*----------- --------- ------
*

*Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
*

*ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
*

*----------- --------- -----
*

*Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big
"E".
*

*Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.'
(short pause)... Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean
. Suggest you turn to the big "W" immediately ..'
*

*----------- ---------
*

*Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'
*

*Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'
*

*Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'
*

*Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'
*

*Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'
*

*----------- --------- ---------
*

*Tower: 'American... and for your information, you were slightly to the left
of the centerline on that approach.'
*

*American: 'That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right'
*

*----------- --------- ---
*

*Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)
*

*Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)
*

*Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'
*

*Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name
you'd get a better response!'
*

*----------- --------- ---
*

*BB: 'Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet.'
*

*Bay Approach: 'Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.'
*

*BB: 'Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over
by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!'
*

*Bay Approach: 'That's a good reason. 8300 approved.'
*

*----------- --------- --------- -------
*

*Controller: 'FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330
or 340?'
*

*Pilot: 'A340 of course!'
*

*Controller: 'Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and
give me 1000 feet per minute, please?'
*

*----------- --------- -------
*

*Tower: 'Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.'
*

*Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'
*

*----------- --------- --------- ----
*

*Foreign Pilot Trainee: 'Tower, please speak slowly, I am a baby in English
and lonely in the cockpit'
*

*----------- --------- ---
*

*Controller: 'CRX600, are you on course to SUL?'
*

*Pilot: 'More or less.'
*

*Controller: 'So proceed a little bit more to SUL.'
*

*----------- --------- --------
*

*Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push
back, please.'
*

*Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'
*

*Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'
*

*Tower: 'Affirmative. '
*

*Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'


SP!